honest poem

honest poem
after rudy francisco

i was born on september 28th.
that makes me a libra. i looked it up online
and i think it means i’m a liability.

i should come with a warning label.
caution: she’ll break everything you own including herself
caution: she needs a lot of remodelling

caution: sometimes life gives her loads
she can’t handle on her own.
i am reckless.

i don’t think before i speak.
i don’t speak before i act. sometimes i take off running
well before i know where i’m headed to.

i am too good at letting good things go. i forgive
all mistakes and misunderstandings except my own.
i need to be told things about myself i should already know.

my hobbies include crying at every sad ending (and there are a lot)
and trying to make everything perfect (even when it’s not)
and loving people even when they don’t deserve it.

i give second chances away like free money
and that is why i make boys think they love me
when they actually just love loving me because i’m easy.

but i eat boys like them for breakfast and scare away the good ones.
because i’m aggressive and i’m intense
and i don’t let you get away with not-your-best.

i erect walls of poetry to hide behind when i get scared.
and i get scared a lot. i’m convinced that if i talk about my problems
enough, god might hear them better and fix them.

on the rare occasions i’m feeling myself, i sit for hours
in front of a mirror trying to memorise what a face
that doesn’t completely hate itself looks like.

i save everything in case it’s important
and i save receipts better than i save myself.
i binge eat when i’m feeling empty

and don’t notice that it fills me the wrong way
i think everything is a sign from god. this poem is a sign
from god that he’s looking down and shaking his head

and thinking to himself that despite what you or i think he made me so perfect.